glimpses of a wandering heart ..

Rubaai

2012-01-19T01:20:00.000-08:00

surprisingly, a walkable night in Seattle. and writerly too !

कुछ भोली सहमी रातें

आधी अधूरी मुलाकातें

कल जेब में मिलीं कुछ

पिछले सफ़र की बातें

--Seattle, Jan 8 2012

on winters in Seattle ...

2011-12-15T23:32:00.000-08:00

सर्दियों में ये शहर

एक ही रात पहने

कई दिन गुज़ार देता है

रात भी अब

रंग छोड़ने लगी है

शहर काला पड़ता

जा रहा है

कभी कभार धूप के कुछ

छीटें मार लेता है

तो यह कालिख थोड़ी

धुल जाया करती है

चेहरे पर कुछ चमक

आ जाया करती है

सर्दियों में ये शहर

एक ही रात पहने

कई दिन गुज़ार देता है

6th December

2011-12-06T01:05:00.001-08:00

Anniversary of Babri Masjid Demolition... An old piece that, I feel, says what I want to say

दिसम्बर की सर्दी थी पर

यहाँ गरम हवाएं चली थीं

राख हो गया था सारा मोहल्ला

वो साथी वो रिश्ते वो नाते

वो हँसते खेलते बचपन

वो बच्चों का स्कूल जाना

वो दादा दादी की कहानियां

वो माँ के हाथ का खाना

वो ईद वो दीवाली

वो मेरे घर को तेरा आना

वो वाह वाह वो तर्रन्नुम

वो बैठक वो महफ़िल ज़माना

दिसम्बर की सर्दी थी पर

यहाँ गरम हवाएं चली थीं

तूफ़ान सा उठता

चला आता था

मुझे तुझमें

और तुझे मुझमें

फर्क नज़र आता था

वो किस बात का

खून खराबा था

आँगन में मिली थीं

जिन बच्चों की लाशें

उनसे तो तुझे भी मोहब्बत थी

और मुझे भी

बस वही हम दोनों को

इंसान बनाता था

ख्वाब और हकीक़त

2011-11-25T01:56:00.000-08:00

गुज़रे हुए वक़्त के

एक दर्द भरे लम्हे ने

कल के किसी हसीं ख्वाब से

झल्लाकर कहा

कम से कम मैं

हुआ तो था,

तुम तो शायद कोख़ से

बाहर ही नहीं आओगे,

हँसता हुआ ख्वाब

धीरे से बोला

अरे पागल ! किसने कहा

कि मैं नहीं होता

हकीक़त बनूँ ना बनूँ

पर मैं होता ज़रूर हूँ

मुझसे ही आदमी है,

कैफ़ियत है, ज़िन्दगी है

मुझसे ही तुम भी हो

मेरे जैसे ही किसी

ख्वाब में तुम हुए

ये सब हर तरफ देखो

सब एक ख्वाब ही तो है

बस अभी टूटा नहीं है

|| Roman Transliteration ||

रुबाई

2011-11-12T00:58:00.000-08:00

नमक है हिज्र से

इश्क में प्यार में

मज़ा ही क्या है 'अमन'

वस्ल-ए-यार में

*Meanings : हिज्र=separation, वस्ल=togetherness

रुबाई

2011-10-23T02:31:00.000-07:00

दे सोहबत में कुछ तो पल

फ़िर बेवफाई भी सही

तू नहीं तो तेरी दी हुई

तन्हाई ही सही

* सोहबत = company

हाथ

2011-10-03T23:59:00.000-07:00

हाथ सीख जाते हैं,

सीख जाते हैं एक नन्ही सी जान

को गोद में उठा लेना

एक बुज़ुर्ग को सहारा देना

अंधे को आँख देना

तबले को ताल देना

रोड़े ईंट पत्थरों को फोड़ना

या नाज़ुक से फूल को तोडना

हाथ समझदार हैं,

समझते हैं क्या ज़ुरूरी है

मन भले चंचल सा भटकता रहे

पर ये स्थिर होकर

काम करना जानते हैं

एक बच्चे की पीठ थपथपाकर

हौंसला बढ़ाना जानते हैं

एक दोस्त के काँधे पर हाथ रखकर

तसल्ली देना जानते हैं

हाथ ज़िद्दी हैं, गुस्सैल हैं,

जो मुठ्ठी भीच लूं

तो कुछ तोड़ के ही दम लेते हैं

किसी नारे के लिए उठ जायें

तो आवाज़ को ललकार बना देते हैं

और जो हज़ारों हाथ साथ दे जाएँ

तो क्रांति ला देते हैं

तख्ता पलट देते हैं

इतिहास बना देते हैं

हाथ रूमानी हैं,

प्यार करना जानते हैं

हाथ में उसका हाथ में आते ही

पिघल से जाते हैं

कोमल हो जाते हैं

परवाह करने लगते हैं

किसी का ख़याल करने लगते हैं

उसकी उँगलियों में इन उँगलियों को

ऐसे फंसा लेते हैं

जैसे इन्हें एक दूसरे के लिए ही

बनाया गया हो

हाथ खूबसूरत हैं,

श्रृंगार करते भी हैं

श्रृंगार बनते भी हैं

और बेहद खूबसूरत

तो वो दो हाथ थे,

वो झुर्रियों से

गढ़े हुए दो हाथ,

वो जर्जर सूख चुके दो हाथ,

जिन्होंने कलकत्ता की सड़को से

एक एक कोढ़ी को उठाकर

नहलाया, इज्ज़त के साफ़ कपडे पहनाये

रहने के लिए छत दी

और जी सकने लिए एक उम्मीद

परछाईं

2011-09-23T23:52:00.000-07:00

आज रात फिर आँख खुली

खिड़की पर फिर कोई परछाईं चली

कोई रोज़ ब रोज़

मुझ पर नज़र रख रहा है

खुदा जाने कौन है

क्यों परेशां हो रहा है,

कभी दिख जाये

तो पुकार लूं

तुम यहीं आ जाया करो

यहीं ठहर जाया करो

तुम वहाँ गलियों में

आवारा भटकते रहते हो

मैं यहाँ घर में

तन्हा बैठा रहता हूँ

आज रात फिर आँख खुली

खिड़की पर फिर कोई परछाईं चली

ख्याल

2011-09-14T00:50:00.000-07:00

ज़िन्दगी यूं भरी भरी सी है

के हाथ फेरने तक की जगह नहीं

अरी मेरी प्यारी नज़्म,

तुम्हारे लिए कोई ख्याल

कहाँ से निकालूँ

मुन्नू के लिए

2011-09-05T00:23:00.000-07:00

Dad being in a transferable job, many of my friendships had to part in childhood. As I look back, I feel that those friendships did not die, rather got frozen in time, their innocence preserved and insulated from all the harsh realizations and realities of growing up. Rare would be such objects of sheer simplicity & purity in my otherwise complicated life. One such friendship was with Manish, lovingly called Munnu, whom I could not see or talk to all these years. A few days back, as I turned to his facebook page to wish him happy birthday, I was told that he left us two years ago due to an unfortunate heart attack. A few words poured out that day as I remembered him. I hope he is listening to me wherever he is.

खेल

------------

याद है वो खेल

पांचवी में थे हम

स्कूल की बन रही बिल्डिंग

के सामने पड़ी

उस बंजर ज़मीन में

बनी तंग खाइयों पर

कूदते हुए जाने

की रेस लगाते थे

दीवाने थे हम उस खेल के,

रिसेस की घंटी बजते ही

कभी कभी तो टिफिन भी आधा छोड़,

दौड़ पड़ते थे - एक दूसरे को आज़माने

मैं लम्बे होने का

फायदi उठा लेता था

तो तुम

अपनी तेज़ रफ़्तार का,

मुकाबला टक्कर का रहता था

ज़िन्दगी के इस खेल में

बची हुई इन खाइयों पर

मुझे अकेला ही कूदते हुए

क्यों छोड़ गए हो मुन्नू

यही एक रेस तो हमें

साथ ख़त्म करनी थी दोस्त,

यही एक रेस

बेचैनी (Recitation)

2011-08-13T03:46:00.000-07:00

Lyrics

*The player might not show up on your phone browser.

बेचैनी

2011-08-12T23:50:00.000-07:00

रात भर घुलता रहा चाँद फ़लक पर

रात भर रोती रही हवा सिसक कर

रात भर तेरी यादों की चादर ओढ़े

बेचैन से बस, करवट बदलते रहे हम

शब्दार्थ :- फ़लक = sky

बाज़ार

2011-08-06T01:40:00.000-07:00

ये कौन सा बाज़ार है

जहां एहसासों को बेचा जाता है,

कारोबार के शोर में

सन्नाटों को फेंका जाता है,

खरीदारों की भीड़ में

तन्हाइयों को पेशा जाता है |

इन्हीं साजों सामानों के बीच

कुछ वो एहसास भी हैं

जिन्हें तुम कभी छोड़

गए थे मेरे पास,

एक अरसे से रखे हुए थे

मेरी मेज़ की ड्रोअर में |

मुफ़लिसी के इन दिनों में

ले आया हूँ अब उन्हें भी

नज्मों बज्मों की

इन दुकानों में,

शायद यहीं कुछ मोल मिल जाए,

इस अजीब से बाज़ार में जहां

..जज़्बातों को बेचा जाता है

शब्दार्थ :- मुफ़लिसी = poverty

हिज्र की रात (Night of Separation)

2011-08-01T00:52:00.000-07:00

याद है वो रात ?

जब हिज्र के दर्द में

हम घंटों रोये थे ,

वो सुर्ख सा पेड़ जिसकी

बेजान सी एक डाल तले

मेरी गोद में रखके सर

तुम भी एक बेजान सी

घंटों लेटी रहीं ,

ना मेरे पास

कोई जवाब था

ना तुम्हारे पास

कोई उम्मीद

उस रात के कुछ लम्हे

अब पक़ चुके हैं,

उम्र के साथ कुछ हसीं

भी हो आयें हैं,

और जहां हमने अपने सपनों

को दफ़्न किया था,

जाकर देखो वहाँ एक

फूल खिल आया है

शब्दार्थ :- हिज्र = separation, बेजान = lifeless, दफ़्न = bury

' सॉरी ' (Sorry)

2011-07-25T00:31:00.000-07:00

' सॉरी ' ये लफ्ज़ आख़िर क्या है

तुम्हारी ज़बां से निकली

जो ये हवा है

' सॉरी ' तुमने बस कह दिया

और मैंने सुन भी लिया

पर दिल तो अब भी

वहीँ टूटा पड़ा है

काश के ये लफ्ज़ हमने

बनाया ही ना होता

तो तुम सिर्फ दिल

से माफ़ी माँग सकते

और मैं सिर्फ दिल

से माफ़ कर सकता

(*Credits/Notes : Inspired by Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.)

इस हफ्ते मकाँ बदलना है

2011-07-17T12:50:00.000-07:00

इस हफ्ते मकाँ बदलना है

खुद कहीं लापता हूँ

पर पता बदलना है

इस हफ्ते मकाँ बदलना है

कुछ फ़ुरसत मिली तो आज

अपने कमरे में कुछ देर

तक यूँ ही डोलता रहा |

दो साल पहले जिस ज़िन्दगी

को चंद बक्सों में

उठा कर ले आया था

वो इस कमरे के कौने कौने

में ऐसे फ़ैल चुकी थी

जैसे किसी दीवार से

लिपटी हुई बेल हो जिसकी

ना तो शुरुआत का पता

चलता है ना ही अंत का |

कहीं फर्नीचर, कहीं किताबें

कुछ गैजेट्स, कुछ कपड़े,

कहीं पेड़ पौधे, कहीं साज़

कुछ अधूरी पड़ी नज्में |

कितना कुछ उठाया जायेगा,

पहुँचाया जायेगा

और फिर से सजाया जायेगा

कुछ टूट जायेगा

कुछ यहीं छूट जायेगा

कुछ खो जायेगा

शायद कुछ मिल भी जायेगा

यूँ तो एक आफत एक झंझट ही है ये

मगर दिल को कुछ सुकूँ भी होता है

के इतना भी आवारा नहीं हूँ मैं

मुझसे भी एक घर सा बनता है

मेरे साथ भी ..

.. कुछ सामान चलता है

चोर सिपाही

2011-06-17T01:02:00.000-07:00

फलक से कुछ ऊपर

एक नादान सा तारा

पूरी रात मेरी खिड़की पर

टंगा खेलता रहा

मैं टकटकी लगाए

उसका ध्यान रखता रहा

सिर्फ इक पल को मेरी आँखें

झपकी में बंद हुईं

बस तभी वो चालाक चोर

भरी रात में उसे तोड़ ले गया

चाँद

2011-06-12T23:46:00.001-07:00

फिर किसी बात पर चाँद बिगड़ गया

आज रात फिर अमावस होगी

फिर अंधियारा पसरेगा

तुमसे कहा था ना

चाँद से यूं उलझा न करो

बिन कोरी चांदनी अब

कैसे मैं पड़ोस घर

आलन लेने जाऊंगी

कैसे बर्तन भांडे होंगे

ढ़ोरों को चारा होगा

कैसे मुन्ना सोवेगा

तुम कैसे खेतों को बाचोगे

अब तो ये मुई गाय भैंसे भी

रोशनी बिन पूरी रात

घुड़मुड घुड़मुड करने लगी हैं

फिर किसी बात पर चाँद बिगड़ गया

तुमसे कहा था ना

चाँद से यूं उलझा न करो

उफ़. पूरा महीना निकल जायेगा

अब उसे मनाते मनाते

आग

2011-06-01T03:22:00.000-07:00

मेरी खिड़की पर रखा पानी

पीने वाली चिड़िया

आज नहीं आई |

कबीरा कहता है

जंगल में कोई

बड़ी आग लगी है,

कई पेड़ राख

हो गए हैं,

ढोर परिन्दों की

कोई ख़बर नहीं |

कल रात के सन्नाटे में

लड़खड़ाती हुई उस लड़की को

जंगल की ओर जाते देखा था

गाल पे सूखे हुए आसूं

एक हाथ में मशाल

और दूसरे में

कुछ उधड़े हुए सपने थे |

माँ

2011-05-12T01:04:00.000-07:00

किसी सिराने रखी

किताब की तरह

तुम्हारी यादों को

उठाकर पन्ने पलटते

पलटते आज बहुत

दूर निकल गया |

दिखाई दिया उस

ऊंघते शहर का

वो पुराना मकान

जिसकी बालकनी की

रेलिंग का हत्था

मैंने शरारत में

तोड़ दिया था

वो आज भी

टूटा हुआ है |

तुम्हारी रसोई

बहुत लाचार है ,

जहां तुम मर्तबान

रखती थीं वहाँ

जाले आ गए हैं

पर उनके अचार

की खुशबू आज भी

वहीँ रहती है |

वहीँ बरामदे की दीवार पर

शीशम की लकड़ी वाला

वो चकोर सा आइना है

जिसमे शायद मेरा

सारा बचपन कैद है

काश वो आइना

उसे फिर दिखा सकता

रात

2011-04-28T01:15:00.000-07:00

कब आती हो कब चली जाती हो

कुछ इल्म ही नहीं होता

तुमसे इतनी बातें करनी हैं

राज़ खोंलने हैं किस्से कहने हैं

पिछली बार जब चाँद की

शमा जलाकर हम तुम बैठे

थे तो दिल की न जाने

कितनी गिरहें खोली

कितने सवाल बीने

बहुत सुकूँ मिला

सुनो .. इस बार

थोडा रुक के जाना

Go Team India, Go !

2011-04-01T21:39:00.000-07:00

In the last few hours before the final showdown, I decided to draw up a few words ...

Tonight, my men

when you play

on the field.

Who will you

play for ?

For the beautiful

people who could

pay and come

to see you play.

Or for make-do

bourgeois who

can still see

you from their

easy sofa sets as

they go about

their daily day.

Or for that

impoverished kid

probably cleaning

tables in some

dhaba as he

intensely tries

to listen to

your score on his

master's TV or

some radio at bay.

Or may be for

yourself, for your

own glory, or for

your own passion,

or just so that so

you can say.

Whoever it be,

you'll have our

adulation. For it

is not you

but what you're

out to achieve

that's bigger than

anyone's private

possession. Go

my men, go

bring back the cup

for this torn

nation, for this

confused generation,

for this wretched

starvation. In

times like these

when we need to

look up, In times

like these, trust me,

we need this cup.

Holi...

2011-03-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

रंग हैं रे - रंगरेज़ कहे
कासे रंग तुझको जमते हों
कुछ ऐसे पक्के रे साथी
जो सपनों को भी रंगते हों

आप सभी को होली मुबारक ! इस अवसर पर हर्षोल्लास में सराबोर ये गीत !

Aaj Phir

2010-11-28T19:33:00.001-08:00

आज फिर ..

रात की शराब का

नशा उतरा नहीं है अभी

पेट में खलिश सी है

और होंठ भी सूखे हैं अभी

घनी शाम का ये सर्द आसमां

फिर वही डर सा लेकर आया है

पतझड़ के सूखे पेड़ तले

उन्ही सवालों की सेना लाया है

ज़िन्दगी के कोटि जो थे

स्वप्न उनका क्या हुआ

जोश में भीगे हुए

अरमां उनका क्या हुआ

ढूँढनी थीं राहें तुमको

उन रास्तों का क्या हुआ

जीवन कड़ी के अर्थ को

पहचानने का क्या हुआ

आज फिर से वो सवाल

खिड़की पे ठक-ठक करने लगे

आज फिर डर से ठिठुरकर

हम बाथरूम में छिपने लगे

आज फिर उसी हताशा में

सर को लटका हुआ पाया

आज फिर इन्ही पैरों को

कहीं-कहीं से कमज़ोर पाया

थोडा सिसके, थोडा सकपकाए

फिर यकायक

शीशे में खुद को देख

उसी पुरानी ज़िद में बड़-बडाये -

"अभी बूढ़े नहीं हुए हैं .. ,

बस दो तीन बाल

सफ़ेद हो चले हैं "

The Morality of a Natural Disaster

2010-04-26T23:47:00.000-07:00

It was strange when watching those distant fountains of fire and that silent but meandering lava against the pitch black mountain of Eyjafjallajökull, in the above video, gave me a sense of solace, a feel of the ‘sublime’. Stranger was the fact that I was not the only one. Can a natural ‘disaster’ be associated with beauty and aesthetics?

Eyjafjallajökull didn’t kill anyone. Natural disasters which manage not to kill anyone are peculiar. For one, they enjoy much more dignity and acceptance than their other less fortunate kins. This comes naturally from the realization that one can’t really convict them of killings and massacres. Thus, in public perception, it is not considered inappropriate to derive a sense of allure and even something as deep as the pleasure of the sublime by watching them. By themselves, even the calamitous disasters might be beautiful. After all, they are just natural happenings, grand and magnificent. It is our prejudice against them that doesn’t let us see beyond the wrath that they bring to us and our fellow beings. I myself am guilty of that. Whatever times I see the videos of the Indian Ocean Tsunami, I can but only see those helpless bodies being swept away. While I share in the pain of humanity, Is it right to demonize the disasters that are fatal, and deem them ugly.

Socrates said that beauty is a reflection of the virtue. I partly disagree. In theory, virtue is moral while beauty is amoral. Morality is in fact nothing but the beauty of mind and soul. Beauty is more general. It is perceived, not adopted. It is appreciated, not judged. It is generally present as an attribute of an art, and is neither appropriate nor inappropriate. Art and Morality must always be kept separate in the interest of artistic freedom and social progress. Morality of the sublime, however, is much trickier and still unresolved. The reason being, while art might stimulate either happiness or concern, sublime always brings an inner sense of joy besides respect, awe and fear. Deriving joy out of a fatal calamity is ‘considered’ to be sadistic in general. And this shuts down all the doors to subliminal explorations of such disasters.

While philosophers unearth the moral dimensions in the sublime, I do feel that it might not be immoral to derive subliminal pleasure out of a lethal disaster. Of course, only if the subject of the sublime is the nature and not the fatalities. I understand that it would not be trivial to segregate the two. I can’t do it. You too, might not be able to. But some of us might definitely be. The real question, however, is if 'we' are ready for them i.e. would we still be questioning their sympathy for the victims or genuinely appreciating their empathy for the king-kong’s, if you will, who happened to fall on the wrong side of us.

Afternoon Sun

2010-02-16T02:23:00.000-08:00

Afternoon Sun

of a winter month,

light breeze

through bougainvillea fence,

A marigold

by my side

and a good book

in my hand.

Sitting under

the guava tree,

Fresh, cold grass

under my feet,

Suddenly a squirrel

chirped in our lawn,

I lifted my head

but it was gone,

I stared into nothing

and smiled

and realized

how lovely ..

all this is :)

A Nation of Passion

2010-01-17T17:55:00.000-08:00

Watched Rang De Basanti again today. Alone and in dark. I remember the last time I watched it. We were in Final-Year Undergrad. Been about 4 years. It made a deeper mark on me this time. No, I don't support violent means for any end whatsoever. And this is not a film review either. What I want to pick from the movie is something else. Its passion. Or the very idea of having a passion. A passion which is dearer to you more than your life. For the revolutionaries, it was Azadi. For DJ & friends, it was ensuring that their martyr friend gets his due respects and that his culprits are punished. What hit me the most was when Aslam said "मुझे तो हमेशा लगता था हम किसी चीज़ के लिए लड़ जाएँ, ऐसा कोई जज्बा है ही नहीं हमारे अन्दर "

Why dont 'we' have a passion for something ? A passion which would bring a welcome change to our nation, our people, our next generation. Wars are not just fought on borders. They are also fought inside our societies, our cultures, our own minds and mindsets. War against corruption, war against inequality and injustice, war against tyranny to environment, are wars we all have to fight. We all are soldiers in these wars. Will we run back or nail the fight to the finish ? hmm..depends on how much passion we harbor. The way life is going right now, I for one, seem to be sitting on the fence :-(

क्यों सो रहे हैं लोग मेरे

देश के बेसुध हुए

क्यों आज भी मैं हूँ यहाँ

इन आसुओं को पीते हुए

ऐ ज़िन्दगी तू तो मेरे

अहले वतन काबिल नहीं

अब यही ख्वाहिश है मेरी

मौत से कुछ तो मिले

जी रहा हूँ दर-ब-दर

एक गैर से आसमान तले

चल ज़िन्दगी, चल ज़िन्दगी

हम भी कुछ करने चलें

और जब रुखसत करें

तीन रंग का कफ़न मिले

Why are people of my nation

sleeping so aloof

Why am I still here

crying by myself

O life ! you don't seem to

be worthy of my country

I wish my death

can be of some use.

Living door-to-door

under an unfamiliar sky

O life ! O life !

lets go do something
To depart this world

in a tri-colored shroud.

My City Weeps

2009-11-02T01:04:00.000-08:00

Watched 'Mumbai Meri Jaan' today. Its about the aftermath of the serial train blasts in Mumbai in 2006. Realized that a city has a soul, a spirit, and an ethos. It has a life. It has emotions. It has flesh and blood. Delhi, Mumbai, Calcutta, Chennai - these great cities are such vibrant symbols of modern India that my heart wails to see them falling prey to such cowardly acts of terror as bombings and shootouts.

It seems that we really haven't learnt any lessons from history. About a hundred years ago, this nation was made to kneel down by Imperialists who played on the divisions between various kingdoms. These divisions still exist in different manifestations. Be it communal violence in Ahmadabad or regionalism in Mumbai, its these divisions which surface open threads in our fabric for anti-social elements to seep into. When a city's own people start hating each other, the whole fabric of the city comes tearing apart. The city weeps. Is it really that difficult to build a city of dreams in our motherland ?

रोके नहीं रुकते
आँसू मेरे शहर के ,
कैसे रोकूँ
इस खून खराबे को ,
कैसे तोडूँ
इन नफरत की दीवारों को

A Peck on the Cheek

2009-10-18T22:49:00.000-07:00

Saw Kannathil Muthaittal (A peck on the cheek) this evening. Its a Tamil film by Manirathnam about a 9-yr old girl whose biological parents were snatched away from her by the ensuing civil war in srilanka. She is brought up by an Indian couple in Madras. When she is told about this fact, she is adamant to meet her biological mother. Her step-parents try to fulfill her wish amidst the war-torn areas and bloody shootouts.

Very moving and overwhelming at times. Did Make me cry. To be honest, there is a sense of relief when I cry for it tells me that I can feel someone's pain. But something Amudha (the girl in the film) said made me realize that its a different thing to feel the pain than to live it. When she is finally able to meet her biological mother after a series of narrow escapes from bombings and strike zones, she begs her to come to Madras. When she tries to convince her "There is no war, no army in Madras", I tried to imagine how much hatred she might grow up with towards her own country's soldiers. Its that same Army, the same soldiers and their same martyrdom which all grew up not just respecting but worshipping. But for Amudha, it might not be the same. Her hatred towards her soldiers might be an inseparable part of her pain.

So, may be I will never be able to feel her pain the way she does. I don't know if its for good or bad but it bothers me. In the end I am just left with the question "Does no one have an answer to this Political violence ? " again & again.

In defence of Delhi 6

2009-03-01T21:52:00.000-08:00

Buy your opinion ?? Why should we buy your opinion, Mr. Critic ! Had we gone by your and your word alone, we would have missed the Fight Club or The eyes wide shut and so many other movies which we are really glad to have watched.

First of all, see the many wonderful things that Delhi 6 made us see. The magical camera of Binod Pradhan did much justice to the charisma of the magical city. The specifics and the meticulousness of the direction is also to be much appreciated. I never found a Ramleela so interesting and artistic that I think I watched it without a blink. The way the khaan-paan was put into limelight speaks of the research and passion to bring out the soul of the city. It felt as if the khaan-paan itself was a character which touches the lives of every other character, brings communities together and of course makes the elan vital of Delhi's life.

Yes, 'Delhi 6 is too much to fit in just one movie'. Yes, the 'director seemed to shed light on more than the audience could digest'. But isn't that what Delhi is actually about? Too less space, too many people. Too little opportunities, too many aspirations. Too few resources, too many dreams. Small mohallas, so many houses. Narrow roads, so many cars. Just one city, so many manifestations.

I agree that it would have been greater still if Mehra wouldn't have gone for that supernatural ending and would have kept the movie consistent with everything so realistic otherwise. I think he should have just finished the movie when Abhishek is shot at and left it open ended. Cause Mehra's task pretty much finished at that scene. He had conveyed his message and should have left it to audience to make whatever of it. He did not :-( well, thats OK. Just ignore that small part! Come out of it and look in totality. What I got from that move is so much worth those last five minutes of boredom.

What we should realize is that when a man or a woman is passionate about something, they strive to go deep and deep into it. And when they present it to you, they can't help but try to give u the picture in totality. They just don't want to summarize that journey to you. Cause every bit of that journey was so dear to them. What an intelligent audience should realize is that this was likely to happen. But they should also realize that its only from a work of passion that they can hope to see stuff which is authentic, real and hard to find elsewhere. Rakeysh Mehra had a passion for Delhi. He just missed on being a 100% professional about it. But I give it to him !

You are my Song

2009-01-13T00:49:00.001-08:00

When lots need to done at Office tomorrow and sleep doesn't even come. When lying down on your elbow you have only one hand free to type, you pen down some words in haste and waste and let your mouth do the rest.

you are my song.wav - Aman Rathi

Colorless

2008-12-19T01:31:00.000-08:00

She came with no colors
she was colorless
like water, like silver
like you can see
yourself in her

she came light blue
in the morning sky
wrapped an orange
in an evening sigh
and shone yellow
in sunshine dry

Do you see the colors
in the colorless, my friend ?
For Colorlessness is not
the absence of colors
but presence of all.

---------------

Whole day spent in bed...8" thick snow outside..dont really know what to do. I see snow.. I adore it..I step into it a bit..but then step back.. I dont have any shoes to move around in snow..Buses are not plying..I can't drive either with such snow laden roads..Remote login to office isnt working either..All in all I am physically cutoff frm outside world except for cellphone and internet. I do have minimal supplies of food to survive a few days.

Anyways, such a wasteful day gave me a chance to watch two gud movies - Sleepless in Seattle, Philadelphia.

A Slum Affair

2008-12-08T01:03:00.000-08:00

It grew like a weed.
गली की गन्दी कीचड़
में उगता हुआ
वो नन्हा सा पौधा

लोगों की नज़रों से
बचता बचाता अब

बड़ा हो रहा था

नहीं ऐसा नहीं
की किसी ने उसे
कभी कुचला न हो
या शरारती बच्चों
ने कभी छेडा न हो
इनकी तो आदत
हो गयी थी उसे

झुग्गियों में जहां
पैर रखने की जगह नहीं
उसे अपनी अलग ज़मी
कोई कहाँ से दे

आज शाम भी
किसी ढोर से
बाल बाल बचा

इन्तेज़ार है रात होने का
जब नाले की बदबू में
ज़रा खुलके सांस लेगा
और सोये हुए मोहल्ले में
ज़रा चैन से अंगड़ाई लेगा

उन झुग्गियों में
इश्क की कहानी भी
कुछ वैसी ही है

Watched Slumdog Millionire a few days back. Among other things I was tempted to think how love survives in slums.

Ek Gumshuda Khwaab (A missing dream)

2008-10-26T01:50:00.000-07:00

Hopped on to this movie called 'choti si baat' just by chance. Was surprised to find that the following song is from this film only.

Haven't finished the movie yet, but the rib-tickling bus-stand romance of Amol Palekar and Vidya Sinha is already making me want to toast a few lines.

एक गुमशुदा ख्वाब

है कोई ख्वाब
क्यों मुझे याद
नहीं आता है

किसी धुंध की
चुनरी में
दुबक जाता है

किसी फूल
की गोदी में
सिमट जाता है

किसी गैर के
कमरे में
सो जाता है

कभी हवा
कभी पानी में
घुल जाता है

किसी मर्ज़
किसी दर्द
सा तड़पाता है

जिस रोज़ तुम्हे
बस स्टैंड पे
खड़ा पाया था

बस उसी रात
वो गुमशुदा ख्वाब

मिल पाया था

Mob vs Individual

2008-10-15T23:43:00.000-07:00

I am the mob
who suppresses
my individual,
so-called heretic,
aspirations
which talk of
change.

The mob in me
kills
the individual in me
every time.

My Experiments with Solitude - Living Alone 2

2008-10-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

And here comes part 2, much better than part 1(i.e the first few days). I guess I had made a mistake by judging it prematurely before even passing a week :). Part of the dilemma could have been due to the house not being set-up , no food & grocery and hence it was somewhat uncomfortable and that too all of a sudden. Though house isn't set up even now ( am working on it ), things are already becoming better and infact setting up the house might be some fun stuff too :) . And I also need to start cooking soon.

Living with friends is surely fun..no doubt..and I do miss that at times. But still wanted to live alone for a while..may be just for an experience i guess..may be because I always thought that I should do it once.. .

Anyways, Looks like its going to be interesting seven months ahead !!

My experiments with solitude - Living Alone

2008-10-10T00:14:00.000-07:00

[The following text is updated from the last time as are my changing views towards living alone. I guess its a change and every change deals with transients and changing opinions..that phase is still not over for me]

The more you try to find out about life, the more you get sucked into it .. when the whole exercise was actually to emerge out of it. Generally, you restrict your search to your imagination and your thoughts as to why we do certain things..why we feel good or bad or happy or sad about something..

But sometimes, You kind of take another step forward (for good or for bad you don't know) into some mysterious territories to gain a first hand experience of some scenarios which you don't get to experience in general.

Living Alone has been my recent step in that direction. And it has been very funny since then. Every day has been like omg!! So this is what it means to live alone. Ask friends, u might get conflicting views. You were getting conflicting views even before you started living this way. Infact, that was the reason you went ahead and tested the waters yourself (though i agree that always isn't the wisest thing to do). Anyways, sometimes you've got to do some things.

So, coming back to what how I am feeling. Yes, living alone is boring a bit .. but only initally ., But unlike what i was told, the boredom is reducing as each day passes. And I am kind of getting used to the surroundings. Part of the reason which makes it a little bad in my case is that currently I don't know anyone in the neighborhood. Anyways, now that I am face to face with solitude, lets befriend it. :)

अब जब तू रू-ब-रू है मेरे

तुझसे ही दो बातें हो जाएँ

The CountDown - Day 0

2008-09-28T04:09:00.000-07:00

OK..HERE IT COMES.. Happy B'day to me...
Also, I end my week long 'zindagi' series today..
Its evident that I didn't touch quite a few topics that are so quintessential to life.. For e.g Batra complained all the while that I m not talking about 'love'.. He was totally right. And in fact I had asked this question to myself too while thinking what all things I want to write about. Love is indeed very hard to escape when you are talking of life. But, and unfortunately, these days I am quite disillusioned by 'love'. It seems out of my mind, out of my thoughts. And I don't want to bring it in atleast for a while. So, I don't think I would have done least justice to this wonderful institution had I tried to write about it. All I could say to him was ..

आज दिल की बात हमसे न करवाओ
बात दिल से नहीं आएगी

-------

Anyways, so my sis told me 28th sept is also 'daughters day'..
Now, listen to this..
Mummy made a cake for my B'day and took it to my sis. Sis pulled her leg saying "today is daughter's day. And you made a cake for your son!!" What did mummy say ?
Any guesses ?

OK..she said "Its sunday"
..
..
..
..
..
got it ?
(read 'sunday' as 'son-day')

I thought omg!! ma u r smart!!
(I know sis is going to kill me for blogging this :-) )

-----------

Birthdays after Birthdays we grow older and older.. keep losing our innocence..keep learning this world..
But for ma, we are always where we started..

माँ तो अब भी वैसे ही पालती है हमें
और वो कहते हैं हम आज पच्हीस हुए

Two lovely songs r coming to me. Am embedding them below. Can't resist listening to them again.

So bye bye..
Thanks for reading this series.

The CountDown - Day 1

2008-09-28T03:57:00.001-07:00

Opened my palms and stared at those deep engraved lines. They stared right back at me !!

Found this piece lying around that I wrote in Austin on a similar note..

छोटी सी एक हथेली

छोटी सी एक हथेली
हथेली पे घुद्मुद लकीरें
लकीरों में छुपी
एक करारी कहानी
कहानी ऐसी कि
चिल्ला के बोली
ना ना ना
मुझको ना पढना
अगर पढ़ लिया
तो किसी को न कहना
राज़ मेरे
ही हैं मेरा गहना |
सुन ओ मुन्नी रानी
तेरी प्यारी हंसी
नहीं मैं भी कोई
मामूली छड़ी
बड़ी चुलबुली मैं
बड़ी बावरी,
कभी जो चटाऊँ
मिर्ची का दाना
कभी घोल दूं
मिसरी की बड़ी |
मेरे साथ चल
करेंगे शैतानी ,
बुलाते हैं सब
मुझे ज़िन्दगानी |

-----------------

[BTW, I ll end this 'zindagi' series (which started with Day 6) with one more post .. that for Day-zero (the intent was to have 7 posts in total - one for each day of the week..). So ek baar aur aa jaana :)]

The CountDown - Day 2

2008-09-27T00:17:00.001-07:00

After Laughter come tears
So next time I cry Don't ask me why

----------

Thanks to Batra for telling me about this movie that we watched in hostel .. Gegen die Wand.. Heres a song from it .. u ll know why

Now, I have lots of sleeping debt to repay from this past week..
so gudnight!! c u tomm..

The CountDown - Day 3

2008-09-26T01:22:00.000-07:00

kabhi kitni ajnabi si lagti hai zindagi
saath baithe hue bhi baat nahin karti

The Count Down - Day 4

2008-09-25T00:59:00.000-07:00

zindagi itni bhari bhari si hai aaj
ki haath ferne ki bhi jageh nahin
aapke liye koi kahayal kahan se nikaloon

------------

Pretty busy day...sorry no stuff..still had to put this up to log for today :)

The CountDown - Day 5

2008-09-24T00:53:00.000-07:00

Na jaane kyon ye aadat si ho gayi hai
Bhatakte hooe zindagi ka mazaa lete hain
Manzilein dekh kar bhi raaston ke aashiq
Khudi se dushmani nibha lete hain

Whenever I see my destination approaching, I do a u-turn and and wander off in the roads again .. (and i like to go different one everytime :))

--------

Don't know what the ambition or the real purpose of my life is. Do I have a role to play in this world? Or just time pass ? Or is time pass in itself a pretty important significant objective? Even if we talk about short term ambitions or professional aspirations, even they keep changing. Kal mein kuch aur karna chahta tha, aaj mein kuch aur kar raha hoon, kal mein kuch aur kar raha hoonga.

Wandering off like this,a few days before I found myself waiting at a deserted bus stop on a freeway somewhere between redmond and seattle after midnight hours, hoping to catch that last bus. There was this interesting artwork on the inside of the bus-stop. It read "The real meaning of life lies in not needing to know it in the first place" caught me thinking for a while. I am not sure if I agree with that totally..nywaz..whenever it get very confusing, like now for me, leave it for another day :)

The Silver Jubilee CountDown - Day 6

2008-09-23T00:36:00.002-07:00

Thanks to Anu for asking me about my b'day plans. That made me remember, in the first place, that my B'day is approaching and just a week away. This being my 25th B'day, I ought to do something about it on my blogland. I wish to plant a few lines (some of my thoughts about turning 25) everyday in a countdown to Sept 28th.

GUZRA HUA WAQT

guzre hue waqt ko sametkar
potli mein rakhte rahe hum
aaj use khola bhi to kya
ek zaraa si hasin nikli

The whole span of 25 yrs .. seems no more than an ephemeral smile .. when u look back.

Noises

2008-08-17T23:21:00.000-07:00

I guess i m crazier than i think i am .. Thats why I do such things .. Alright .. Alright .. I know you all are going to have a great great laugh .. So be it ..

Voice & Lyrics : Aman Rathi :)
For lyrics, see here

Jai Hind !

2008-08-16T01:35:00.000-07:00

15th August..
May our country progress and prosper
May it be green and greener
Its people be happy and happier
Its skies be blue and bluer
Its waters clear and clearer
Its air pure and purer

खुदा अपने वतन को अमन बक्शे ! आमीन

I don't have anything to say at this late night hour .. anyways I am already two days late in this post..lets see if i can put up some verse ... ammm... doesn't look so ... am too tired ..
Oh Wait.., there was this poem that I had composed in reply to an email by some friends. I think it should fit the matter. Let me see if I can pull it up from old mails......

OK, so here it is ..

But before that, listen to this nice song which was the subject of those emails. [You might want to ignore the politically motivated opinions there]

I BELONG

Chatting with myself
yesterday in bed
I wondered why
I don't sleep anymore.
Why that silent night,
outside the window
seemed like an abyss
so dark and deep
that there was no echo.
Then when I got
a glimpse of the moon
who yesterday would
have shone over home
seen by my people
prayed by my people.

I cried aloud
without any voice
I sighed aloud
without any choice.
To sleep to death
where i woke up to life
Is all I want...
Because I belong.
I belong to my country.
I am a patriot :)
_______________

And on a personal note, 15th August also marked my completion of two years in US. Happy anniversary to me :)

Its already 2 at night. And Ted's mom said nothing goes well after 2. So am about to hit bed now. Just returned from an Indian Ocean Concert in downtown Seattle. Needless to say awesome it was.

Jai Hind !

All The World's a Stage

2008-08-11T00:56:00.000-07:00

WHY DO THEY LEAVE

so many people
come and go
i am the only one
who remains
in this strange
world of mine.
____

I was talking to a few friends today each one of whom came into my life at such distinctive phases. Some, whom I played with about fifteen-twenty years ago when we were small urchins running around here and there. Some, whom I met in middle school and high school and senior grades - we all grew up together - stepped into adolescence together. Some, whom I met during Undergrad - we all slogged together, had fun together, stepped out of our homes together - became independent and stood on our feet together. Some whom I met being a grad student - we all worked together - laughed together - realized that we were no more as young as we used to be - shared nostalgia about our childhood, school and undergrad years. Then some whom I just met in the last few weeks on my new job or as late as yesterday before they left, are leaving or will be leaving to different places, to their own lives.

Dad had a transferable job. So when he used to get transferred, we used to shift to a new place, a new town, a new city or a new state. All my friendships used to get snapped. Yes, there was this excitement of going to a new place but also this challenge of making your place, again from the scratch, in that new group of kids that would be found there. So if till yesterday, in your old locality u were the team-captain even though u didn't know football, today u have to know football to even get to play with these folks. All those years, I kept on making new friends and losing the previous ones. It was so painful. So much time it used to take to discover & forge a close friendship and then suddenly you have to let it pass. Not until the social networks came to the web, could I actually have the option of reaching out to my old pals. So today when I talked to a few of these people from various times across the spread of my life, I made a U-Turn and went down the memory lane for a while, and remembered those times some as old as decades back and some as fresh as yesterday.

And all the while the question in mind was : "WHY DID THEY HAVE TO LEAVE ?" I know there might be new friendships waiting to blossom, that there will be friends we'll spend our youth with, friends we'll get old together with, friends who'll accompany us to our deathbed. Some of them would be new, some of them might be old. But for those who left (or will leave) us, why did they have to leave. I know that we can call them any time we want to. But essentially, they seem no more in your lives ? Don't they ?

What A Wonderful World !

2008-08-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

Among some beautiful pieces I have been hearing today, this one is still lingering ('what a wonderful world '- penned by George Douglas). I don't know why. Ah .. i guess this song and its melody identifies so much with today's day. Thats why I want to hear it again and again today. So I 've got to do something about it. A blog post .. may be. So let me tell you why it has been a wonderful day today. But before that, listen to these.

Thanks to Batra for talking about his imeem playlist today. I found it there.

Then there is this another beautiful version by Louis Armstrong which I heard back in Austin when Chinmayi played it to me.

And after all this lovely stuff, you've got to read this jibberish from my side.

A WONDERFUL DAY

i see sun rising gently
and breeze coming along
children skating outside
as i lie in my bed
snuggled in my quilt
i smile to myself
what a wonderful day

i see snow on mountains
and clouds clearing aside
buses trickling in
and people going by
as i stretch on my bed
and take a deep breath
i say to myself
what a wonderful day

i hop onto internet
and read my mails
check out the chat
and see friends in green
i roll on my bed
put chin on my palm
i type to myself
what a wonderful day

i play some music
play irish says friend
the sound of the violin
and flutes flow by
i get up for a while
and take a swing
i sing to myself
what a wonderful day

i make some tea
and do some chores
do the laundry
and dishes and stores
i sit on my bed
slurp some tea, look outside
i think to myself
what a wonderful day

i lie down again
pull up my quilt
chat with friends
watch some shows
then listening to songs
dozed off again
i dream to myself
what a wonderful day

A blast here A blast there

2008-07-27T12:03:00.000-07:00

GOING ON

a blast here
a blast there
well, it happens
we tell ourself
and go on

and people die
and children cry
well, it happens
we tell ourself
and go on

then one day we lie
in the streets of ahmedabad
bathed in blood
seething in pain
and soul parting apart
why did this happen
we ask ourself
as others go on
___

BOOM! and everything is gone. Your aspirations, your relations, the work that you were on ur way to do, the boyfriend/girlfriend you were to meet, the exam you were going to take or the homework you were going to do (thats a favorite) and so much so else. You whole life is gone. And as you lie torn and burnt, what you really have are just a few seconds and a choice to either use them for that last desperate attempt to survive and possibly die in chaos and haste and a frown on the face OR just sink in and reflect for one more time on how life has been good to you, the people you loved, cherishing those moments and die smiling at how you small you are in face of the larger design of ... the time. I am not sure what I would do.

Anyways, talking of something more useful, one compelling pattern (if at all there is) that can be inferred from these two blasts is that the BJP led states are being targeted. 'cause there should be no other convincing reason to hit bangalore. States like Madhya Pradesh and Rajasthan should be on high alert.

Lord of the Flies - Capital's Unofficial Traffic Handbook

2008-06-21T03:58:00.000-07:00

Driving in some suburban parts of Delhi, NOIDA, Ghaziabad etc. is like an exercise in unlearning the traffic rules. Everyday one or the other intersection would have its traffic light broken while on some others they would be well functioning but 'courteously' ignored. By 'courteously' I meant that you just slow down to acknowledge the traffic coming from the other directions and then proceed ignoring them until they come close to you within a dangerous distance at which point you MUST act.

If you think that you will pass before the other hits you or vice-versa, speed-up or slow-down accordingly.
If what you thought went wrong, then bring your vehicle to a complete halt right in the middle of the intersection where you are. You will notice that the other vehicle will do the same. Infact not just the other vehicle, but the all the vehicles surrounding you two will halt. This state is technically termed as 'Traffic Jam' and locally as 'Jaam'. In this state, it is customary to keep honking even though its crystal clear that it won't do any good. You will notice that not just you but all your surrounding vehicles will be honking too. If yes, you are going good. Next, you have to hand-signal the other driver or he will signal you (depending on who is weaker) yielding you the right of way.
At times though not occassionally, the drivers of the critical two vehicles who caused the 'Jaam' might desert their vehicles and come out to 'physically' decide who should get the right of way. In that case, just sit back, relax and enjoy the flight (oops! fight). If you like to see the real action going on, you may walk to the fight scene but I would suggest sitting in the car and if you are with family - spending quality time with them, calling loved ones or even catching up on the day's paper.

What amazes is the fact that on one hand all this is caused because everyone is too impatient to wait for the green signal, on the other, you will find a heavenly calm on the drivers faces whose have gotten face to face in the rush. Whosoever's fault it might be, its forgiven (may be because both of them are at fault). And what you get see after that is an incredible display of coordination between the drivers to release the deadlock while the trafficman stands afar wondering what to do.

[statutory warning : Ofcourse, everything was intended to be a satire]

Anyways, wrote something after a long time. Do read below :-)

BLINDS

Seldom after dark
when he took a walk
in the woods on the hill
the chill of the mist
in lukewarm moon
covered with shroud
of thick white fog
I did never realize
that he was blind.
He walked with
quiet assurance
in such a stead
and such a tread
all by himself
I never realized
that he was blind.
Only when today
he stumbled aside
by chance by mistake
and fumbled like crazy
in haste and waste
and cried thru silence
"help me someone
I have no eyes".
I rose up from lair
"Calm down man
but keep talking
even I can't see"

Leaving Austin..

2008-05-18T14:09:00.000-07:00

My time at Austin draws to a close :-( . And this feeling is inescapable. Its like reading the last few pages of a novel. There is this quiet excitement of the new one u are about to pick next but also a strong nostalgia about the atmosphere it had created all this while. Austin would always be special to me as my first habitat out of India. Made even much more special by such a hilarious time spent with friends. One by one, many of them have left by now and I am left to roam through these streets we drove through, these restaurants we ate at, these movies we saw together, those jokes we invented, those songs listened together, sung together and these dead leaves which were strewn by the hail storm a few days ago. Very soon, I too will be gone. But Austin, you will be .. will be.. remembered.

AUSTIN TIMES

Slang on tongue
No one sober
In Austin we were
In Austin we were

Film : Indian Democracy, Starring : The Supreme Court

2008-05-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

Three cheers to the Supreme Court of India for re-instating Prof. Venugopal as AIIMS Director. If you are unaware of the issue, the Central Government had, about 6 months back, terminated Dr. Venugopal's tenure unceremoniously with a Parliamentary Act. With the first hand information that I happen to have in this case, I agree with the reports claiming that all the reasons cited by the Govt. (read as 'The Health Minister'), were lame and that the real issue was just some personal differences between our Health Minister and the AIIMS Director. Should our premier institutions run on personal whims of our politicos? Is the primary duty of AIIMS/IIMs/IITs etc to serve the ego of their so-called man in the cabinet?

Link to a related article.

Dr. Venugopal, an internationally acclaimed surgeon, performed first successful heart transplant in India. He enjoys a great rapport among the students and the faculty. Students think he voices their interests and concerns up to the Govt. The whole community, including the students and a majority of the doctors, were very disappointed with the outrageous sacking of their favorite director. They tried to oppose, wrote letters, did strikes, but all the resistance was astutely crushed.

Anyways, the Supreme Court's judgement brought a welcome respite in AIIMS' life. They are very excited about having their mentor back (their wikipedia entry on AIIMS was updated the same day to celebrate Venugopal's homecoming) and their morale is high (which is very important in a doctor's case. You can't risk your doctor's anger :-) Can you? ).

Wow, its fun to be judgemental :-)

Before I end, I am unable to ignore the Supreme Court's role not just in this case but in the larger context of Indian Democracy. If I am not wrong there have been number of times when the Supreme Court came out pro-actively, thrashed the executive, and took decisions which were seen as correct for a 'progressive' India. Of course, here, my definition of progressive would be influenced by what my text books or what the media taught me about how the progressive India should be. So, instead of labeling those decisions as correct or incorrect, lets say that they at least changed the course of the nation. For good or for bad ?, thats another debate. One of these was the land reforms on the Zamindari system, another is the AIIMS one and may be several others. What surprises me is the fact that how come Supreme Court is able to take such tough decisions against the incumbent govt, when the Govt. has a role in the appointment of Supreme Court's judges (i think thats what those civics textbooks used to say). Hmm... I guess it would be a good study to pick some of these landmark judgements, check out the composition of the bench which took those decisions and research on how those judges were appointed to the Supreme Court. I shall keep it for my next post.

Just like that

2008-05-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

When creativity knows no bounds ..

Sometimes, I wonder, in scenes like this, whether the stunts director really thought it would give us a thrill or if he intended it to be a comedy only :?)
[ I saw it here ]

Earth Day (April 22)

2008-04-23T23:04:00.000-07:00

इन सूखे काले पत्तों से
कुछ आवाज़ आती है सुनो
किसे आग देते हो तुम
ढेरी हमारी या तुम्हारी चिताएं

Was confused..What to do on the Earth Day? Saw some videos about it..Read some articles...But thats it...Couldn't do anything more.... :( Finally I noted that i had "wasted"(yes, that was the word that came to my mind) about three hours on this. So, hurriedly got back to the looming assignments.
Lets think about Earth some other day। Earth can wait, assignments can't. I know I should be ashamed. I am, but why do I still carry on :-( ?

I still remember when we were introduced to the issues of air pollution in the Middle School. I always looked at the leaves of the plants that grew on the central verge of the road we used to cross to reach our school bus stand. The leaves used to be dark with the soot from the automobiles that if u just wipe ur finger over them, it came out stark black like an eye liner. Always, in those encounters, I did use to think about the pollution thing for a little while but would soon get engrossed in doing 'modern art' on those leaves by moving my fingers over them. Sometimes I used to wipe off the whole drawing board (a.k.a the leaf) and perhaps 2 or 3 others off that black film and used to feel that I am a warrior!!

So, I did nothing then and am doing nothing now. Anyways.. would like to hear if you all got to do something.

Lost in Translation

2008-04-04T17:56:00.000-07:00

Five days is what something as beautiful as a butterfly gets to live its life. Five days is what can be enough for two strangers to make a beautiful odyssey (or 1 day in case of before sunrise :-)) which they shall cherish for life. Was watching Lost in Translation yesterday...Needless to say. Beautiful, it was...the movie, the direction, the acting, the actors....and the best of all..the evening blue tokyo. The last scenes just set the mood and I wrote a little song :) Do watch the movie if u havn't already.

Was just wondering how can u make a movie in which the story spans only say about an hour in real time. basically in which say ur movie is for 1.5 hrs but the actual action took place in say 20 mins. Generally, movies compress time. How would they expand time? Well, one way can be to play the Rashomon or the Vantage Point strategy. Play the same story from different perspectives again. What can be other ways ?

Here is the movie trailer.

And here is the final part which set my lines. But I would strongly recommend u not see this if you plan to watch the whole movie in the near future.

BEHOLD ME

Just behold me
Deep in ur eyes
and take me along
wherever u go

This night is so cruel
I look at u with asking eyes
And you don't have no words
And I must smile in pain.

I know, I know we can't be
But why does it have to be
phew..bye..
bye i say with failing voice

But behold me
deep in ur eyes
as u move back
and I remain here

Confessions of a dying man

2008-03-26T23:23:00.000-07:00

O quiet river
lead me to ur depth
i m not worthy of sunshine

Take me in
dissolve me into ur green
and relieve the world from me

Holi Aayi Re

2008-03-22T22:02:00.000-07:00

Here comes Holi. Really missing those gujhiyaas and dahi bhallas I have been eating all those years at home. Anyways, A few lines I composed on the occasion.

मोहे सात रंग में रंगियो रंग रिज्वा
सातों ही मोरे मन को भाये
बेरंग भयी यो मोरी मैली चादर
आज तेरे रंग से धुल जाए

होली के दिन ओ सुर सखिया
रंगों में घुल रास रचायें
रंगे हुए ये हाथ मिलाकर
कोई नए नए से रंग खिलाएं

Don't forget to listen to this oldie as well

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How to read Ghalib

2008-03-18T15:00:00.000-07:00

Attended a talk today by the Columbia Professor Frances Pritchett। The talk was titled 'How to read Ghalib'. Her claim to fame is that she has commented on each of the 1459 (if I remember correctly) shers that Ghalib wrote in his entire life and that shes now going for a second round. She tried explaining why the West is more smitten by Ghalib than any other Urdu Ustaad. The talk was more about how the language researchers should go about understanding Ghalib. She also explained a few of Ghalib's sher in this regard. I could hardly understand a few (until she translated them to English) due to my Urdu Illiteracy :).

जो खुदी को देखूं तो एक भीड़ नज़र आए
लोगों मे मैं नहीं मुझमे लोग नज़र आए

कहते हैं दुनिया मैं होना नहीं काफ़ी
वो होकर तो दिखाएं जो रहे कुछ बाकी

'अमन' ज़िंदगी से एक सवाल पूछे
तेरी मुझसे रंजिशी क्या है

Lead India Anthem

2008-03-14T18:16:00.000-07:00

Arvind is very impressed by the 'Lead India' campaign. So am I.

http://arvindbatra.blogspot.com/2008/03/tum-chalo-i-had-to-blog-this.html

Not to forget this amazingly inspiring music video which flagged this campaign. Awesome lyrics (Gulzar Sahab! Shukriya), awesome music, awesome rendition.

Arvind especially liked the use of the words फलक and उफक and motivated me to use them in my next post. Here are some lines in the same mood.

रौन्दे आज फलक को ऐ दोस्त चल क़दमों तले
मचाएं शोर के उफक के भी कान सुने
उठायें हाथ के कब तक यूँ खामोश रहे
लगाएं जोर के पत्थर को भी पानी करें
हम हिंद, हमारी ख़ाक में वो जज्बें रहे
के सूरज की गरम धूप को भी सोना कहें

Am Florida Red

2008-03-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

Am Back from Florida, the sun and orange country. The tan from the sun, the bruises from the sea bed and those spectacular views are still fleeting through the mind. The moisture of that eternal breeze can still be felt as I rest my face over my fingers. The trip was somewhat physically rigorous as well especially when we took to water sports in the Ocean. The body is still aching..aaarghh :-( But the pain is sweet pain and smells of Atlantic :-). Will come back with some snaps...

Gulps of sea water down the throat
By sun, my body, over fed
Burnt Bruised and Scathed with salt
I am floREDa Red

29th February

2008-02-29T20:16:00.000-08:00

Well..Well.. Well.. Let me admit, I am just writing this blog to get on the record on 29th Feb..The day has always interested me... As a kid, I found it mysterious and elusive.. Even now, It does feel a bit different breathing on 29th of Feb. Anyways, heres an ode to this leap years special day...

Hey! How have you been
Long time no see.
Last time you came
We were playful kids.
This time you found
us more profound.
Next time you come
Do bring us some,
stories from your
native-dom.
Do people there
live a quarter-X life,
tell five in scores
and count in fours.

Its going to be 12
You must leave, sigh :(
May we see u again
Bye Bye, Bye Bye

Dancing on the Street

2008-02-26T21:57:00.000-08:00

Yesterday night, jogging on the street
You found that You were alone.
You looked around once then twice
to make sure there were no eyes.

A mischievous smile rose on your face
And you danced in middle of the road.
Danced and danced, until my dog barked
When you, my fancy dancer, ran like hell.

Rista Rista

2008-02-18T22:25:00.000-08:00

कहीं से आती है आवाज़ रिस्ता रिस्ता
चलाचल राही, चंद कदम और भले

कहीं तो जा रहा है रास्ता रीस्ता रीस्ता
शायद उस चमन में ही आसरा मिले

आसमां की चादर में जी घुटता है मेरा
ऐ मेरे हमसफ़र चल इसे उतार चलें

Retakes on Love

2008-02-08T14:38:00.001-08:00

मुशायरे में आप भी बोलिए

Meer Taqi Meer

2008-02-03T16:10:00.000-08:00

दिल ये अत्फाल, जिद करता है इसे इश्क दिलाऊँ

बड़ा महंगा है वो खिलौना, तुझे कैसे समझाऊँ

Word Help ::
अत्फाल = childish

`Aman .. Retakes on Love

Sometimes I think that the way we think so differently about love at different times of our lives is really interesting and worth compiling. And as you can see, we have given it a name too :-) (Well, believe it or not ! but the joy of giving a name to the baby is a major reason people want to have babies :-)). Right now this compilation is one verse old. I invite all my dear friends and readers of this blog, if any, to raise it with their thoughts.

And the amazing thing is that, love, inspite of being the most touched upon topic in literature, is still going strong. Think of it, poets & writers have shredded and supposedly 'examined' every shred of this institution. Love seems to have been presented to us in every form ..be it compassion, or passion, or romance, or revenge..what not. Right from time poetry or prose got their meanings, love has always been in the vogue.

Anyways, why suddenly I am talking about love today is because I read about Meer Taqi Meer, an Urdu maestro from Delhi, who was considered as Ustad even by the likes of Ghalib and Zauq.
Heres what Ghalib said about him ..

रेखते के तुम ही उस्ताद नहीं हो "घालिब"

कहते हैं अगले ज़माने मैं कोई मीर भी था

Meer's father while on his deathbed asked him to walk the path of love. Most of Meer's poetry was inspired by love, life and things in between. Enjoy one of his 'kalaams' from the TeleSerial Mirza Ghalib.

कुछ मीठा हो जाये

2008-01-24T18:58:00.000-08:00

तो मियाँ
खुदा न खास्ता
अगर ज़िंदगी
इक पल की
मिले तुमको
तो क्या करोगे |

हम भी
तपाक से बोले
"जलेबी खायेंगे "

कमाल करते हैं जनाब
यहाँ जीने मरने
का सवाल है
और आपको
जलेबी का ख्याल है

अमां जलेबी को
कम न आन्किये
इस गोल-गुलैया में
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कटरे की शाम है
गर्मागर्म चाय,
कल्लन से कहिये
कुछ जलेबी ले आये

A nostalgic Ad from the nineties ..

छोटी इ की मात्रा

2008-01-23T16:43:00.000-08:00

One frustating feature of Google's transliteration is its treatment of the छोटी इ की मात्रा. I am not sure if you too experienced this but whenever I try to put one on an alphabet, the मात्रा always shifts to the next alphabet. Surprisingly, on some days, these appear to be correct all of a sudden and then go back to being bad on other days. Their on-screen keyboard does help sometimes but not when the 'matra' is to be placed over the first alphabet in the word. I think that the fact that sometimes it appears correctly suggests that the transliterator as such registers them properly against the correct alphabet. However the renderer program might be buggy which displays it incorrectly sometimes (in fact most of the times) . Any Comments ?

Twenty Days of Childhood

2008-01-20T13:13:00.000-08:00

Its been a few days now since I returned back from India. But am still feeling the hangover. A visit back home is like a visit back to the childhood. Sometimes I ponder if, given a chance, I would prefer to go back to my childhood? I am not sure. The irony is that today, when I have started realizing the joys of those wonder years, I am no more a child. And when I was, I didn't value them enough. So many things I took for granted as a kid! Being taken care of, by mommy, was undoubtedly the very essence of them all. Maa Tujhe Salaam.

Recollecting some thoughts from the last evening at home, I tried to pen them on the Airlines napkin during transit. If mummy sees this, a scolding for such a bad handwriting would sure be on the way :).

बीस दिन बचपन के ..

आज तेरी बाहों में जो
कल न जाने होगा कहाँ
आज तेरी आखों में माँ
कल से आखों का सपना

यह कुछ दिन थे जो तेरे साथ
जैसे बचपन लौटा बरसों बाद
वो बेफिक्री का अल्हड़ एहसास
बार बार आता है याद

प्यार का निवाला लीये
प्यार से खीलाती थी माँ
मंद सी पुरवाई सी
बालों को सहलाती थी माँ

नीवाई सी, माँ, वो तेरी रसोई
उसमें बैठ मेरा बातें बनाना
कभी काँधे पे तेरे रखके सर
नींद का वो करना बहाना
ज़रा सी चोट पे चिल्लाकर
तुझको डराना और सताना

पर कल से तो ये बस यादें होंगी
तेरा घर छोड़ उड़ जाऊँगा माँ मैं
आज रात भर तुझे हंसा कर
सुबह धुंध मे खो जाऊँगा मैं

वैसे तो सब कुछ है वहाँ
छूने को आसमान , रहने को बसेरा
पर न जाने क्यों तेरे बिन
जी नहीं लागे है माँ मेरा

हँसती बोलती उस भीड़ मे भी
खुद को तन्हा पाता हूँ मैं
बस सुन्न होकर पत्थर की तरह
जीये जाता हूँ माँ मैं

Mute Poetry

2007-12-21T19:45:00.000-08:00

So, the semester finally got over and I have started feeling alive. Yesterday, I was taking a leisurely stroll at the Bookstore by the University when I noticed a book titled 'Poetry of the English Language'. I don't know why but it made me a little uncomfortable. It seemed like poetry being forcibly caged to the confines of a language. I flipped through the pages. Quite interesting pieces they were. Someone thinks of a brilliant thought and you need to know English to relish that. What a pity! (Well, yah u can translate stuff into other languages, but we want to taste the original) What if there could be some media which would transcend all these earthly barriers(like language), a media which would be universal and deep...(as deep as your sixth sense :-) )

MUTE POETRY

Lets write words
which know no language.
Words which are mute.
Let them not be English
not Hindi either.
Language is a limitation.
Lets be free.

Lets write words
which can't be seen.
Words which are blind
And which can be seen
even by the blind.
Vision is a limitation.
Lets be free.

Lets write words
which can't be heard.
Words which are deaf
And can be heard
even by the deaf.
Sound is a limitation.
Lets be free.

Lets write words
which can't be touched.
Words which are numb
And can be touched
even by the numb.
Touch is a limitation.
Lets be free.

Lets write words
which can't be written.
Words which have no script.
And which can be written
without any hands.
Writing is a limitation.
Lets be free.

Lets write words
which have no form,
no body but a soul.
And which can be felt
beyond the five senses,
by our soul.
Our senses are our limitation.
Lets be free.

A Piece of Trash

2007-12-19T11:27:00.000-08:00

Its like one of those times when u feel tired of life.... and you don't care for 'almost' anything... u just wanna take a big sigh, lay back, look back or may be even not.. U just want to forget about your existence... you wouldn't even care for for a fresh lease of life or a miracle even if they are knocking on your door vigorously... you! are simply not interested... You just want to be like those used packages, broken stationery and paper-trash strewn at a little distance from me.

One good thing about trash is that it does not complaint. It lies wherever you dump it. (ok, we r not talking about the foul smelling kind of trash)... Trash just lies there, quietly, motionless, without any anxiety, happiness or sadness, not caring for anyone, not being cared for either..
So, in times like these if ur hands are on the keyboard, what can u expect...just another piece of trash as follows ::

LINES

Someone told him
that someone
took a pencil
in hand and
started drawing
some lines
never lifting up
the pencil
from the paper.

Someone told him
that someone
is still drawing
those lines
and still hasn't
lifted up
the pencil.

why the hell
should he care?
Let him draw.

Someone told him
that those lines
tell his life,
his history and
impending fate.
When they get dense
his life gets screwed.
When they get smooth
his life gets cool.

Someone told him
"hey, they might be
the lines of your life"
Oh ! He was struck
for a moment.
"Does he have enough paper
to keep drawing?" :-)

Someone told him
"hey i think i know
the whereabouts
of the guy who
draws your lines"

"oh you do.."
he said lazily

"yah..wanna know?"

"no thanks..
let him draw
let me rest
zzzzzz...."

Balancing a Pen on the Index Finger

2007-11-20T22:26:00.000-08:00

Well.. Its been quite a while that I wrote something on this wall. So, thought of just scribbling in something just like that.. :-)

Balancing a pen
on the index finger,
Tossing a tennis ball
up and down,
Tapping my feet
onto the ground,
Drumming the table
with nimble fingers,
Eyes fixated
elsewhere nowhere,
Sitting on stair,
Playing with hair,
Lying on belly
in my messed-up lair,
Sunk in a pillow
aloof unaware,
Resting my chin
on my hands,
Smiling to faraway
rainbow bands,
Strolling aimlessly
hands in pockets,
Singing humming,
Hand waving rockets,

These are few things
that i do
Dear..dear..poem
when i think about u

Romeo goes to PhD

2007-09-22T22:03:00.000-07:00

In the infinite dimensional
space of love
the Romeo finds it hard
to spot the coordinate
of his relationship
with Juliet. And
to add to this fuzz
the coordinate keeps moving
on an unknown loci
the equation of which
does not seem to follow
any rational, real or
complex valued function.

My dear Romoeo
said the Advisor
A pure random function
that is love
is far more intractable
than any of the pseudo-randoms
that you solved last Fall.

I see, but Professor
I need to graduate.
How should I proceed.

Try Machine Learning
We might learn the love
if we can't derive it.

Why dont you
research it for
our next meeting.

The Real Moon Mystery

2007-08-18T18:12:00.000-07:00

What is reality ? Is it an existence... or just a myth ? We took a stroll along the Ganges in search of some clue...
(Special thanks to David Lean's acclaimed movie, A Passage to India, originally a great novel by E M Foster, for leading us to the holy river in our quest.. )

Ever seen the moon
in the Ganges, my dear?
Its not round
but spreads open
far from the horizon
across the rippling
dark blue waters,
the holy flow,
so calm and quiet.
Or is it ?

The sage by the river
tells us in whispers,
these waters have
a world inside,
a dwelling, it
so quietly hides.
"The people of that land
were once a people
like you and me.
They walked these sands,
drank this water
saw that moon,
like you and me.
Now they are dead,
their bodies left
to this sacred river
which shelters them
forever in its bosom,
all their after-lives.
Hail the Holy Ganges ! "

The old boatman
doesnot agree.
"They aren't
the after-lives.
We are.
We are the ones
who once lived
and now are dead.
Do you see the
moon in the Ganges ?
Thats the real one, my sons.
The one above you
is a mere reflection.
Hail the Holy Ganges ! "

sunday musings

2007-08-12T15:59:00.000-07:00

hi there..my gentle reader :-)
well...again, another sunny afternoon in mountainview.. they rightly say that you can never complaint about the weather here. Its just the right kind for all.. i mean no one can hate it.... you experience a little of all sorts during different times of the day..a little cloudy and wintery in the morning... more of the sunny kind during afternoons.. cool breezy evenings and then windy nights with golden views of moon...the best thing is as i said that theres a little of every kind in the mix..i guess any kind of extremity be it hot,cold or sun in the weather is what we would have been uncomfortable with had it been that way...anywaz...so the big thing for today was that i again went for a hiking escapade..more daring than the previous ones...a continuous walk for about 16 miles...this time we really went up to the mountains that i used to see from my office and apptmt... last time i tried that i had to come back from the foothills... and also sprained my ankle in the effort.. today it was more strenous than that.. but a lot exciting too.. only i hope that my ankle remains healthy :-) ... ok i guess i really need a nap... see u back... i still have to write that review on Fountainhead, i remember..... let me tell you it would be a lot different from what i wrote when i had read it midway... will write it in the coming days.... do check it... see u and have a good sunday...bye..

--12 August 07, Mountain View, California

Six Faces of Hope

2007-07-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

A tribute to millions of school-going children in villages across India . They are the force that is pushing education to the most elusive parts of our country.

Hope was what
I saw in their eyes.
Six little children
on a dusty rural street,
in soiled school uniforms,
all looking up
to that roaring plane,
and shrieking in chorus
to hold that boom.
They yell, they shout
their whole breath out
until that din
of the flight dies out.
And then they chuckle,
flitter and flutter,
dance, sing , sway
their win away.

Held then they,
their hand in hand
and off they gallop
in sync and in rhyme
like kings of some time.
They spread, they close,
they form a line
they rise, they bow
they march align.
Six little stars
how bright they shone
as they took a walk
thru the sky they own.

Raised my camera
to make a click
as they cruised
unseen unhit,
until the sound
of the snap came by.
They turn at once,
they see at once,
trifle and shuffle,
then came to me.
Girls in blushes,
Boys in cheers,
Six little faces
staring at me.
Hesitant but smiling,
I look into their eyes.
And hope was what
smiled back at me.

saturday musings..

2007-06-30T11:57:00.000-07:00

Another nice, sunny, windy and surely a lazy afternoon ..here at Mountainview. I am still limping as my left foot still aches from a hiking escapade i tried last weekend. Hence, am grounded today. Want to write something or do I?... want to read something rather. By the way, I am reading Ayn Rand's 'Foutainhead' these days. The book starts off very well, seems promising, captivating, interesting in the beginning. As I reach the middle chapters, I find it a little unnecessarily verbose. And also somewhat unreasonable. Cause there appear to be some self-contrdictions in the way that Ms. Rand handles characters like Ellsworth Toohey. Mr. Toohey justs behaves so totally different and so all of a sudden in the middle chapters from the way he was introduced to us by the author herself in the beginning chapters. Surely, it may be that I am jumping on to conclusions... i.e there may be some interesting truth in the later chapters yet to be unfolded which explain this awkward behavior.. So, yah, I agree its not justified to comment on the book before reading it. I was just commenting on whatever picture I have in my mind today. And now that I have committed this sin of commenting on it mid-way, I shall have to make-up for it by giving a review once I am through with the book in toto. Well I guess thats it for today.. see u around.. :-)

Memoirs of a Geisha...

2007-06-10T23:36:00.000-07:00

An idle weekend made me watch 'Memoirs of a Geisha' among other movies. The last scene of the reunion of the Geisha and the Chairman was particularly moving. Also, its a kind of scene where the action stops and the viewer gets some time to think and reflect from a distance. Here I make an attempt to capture that moment in rhyme. I suggest you watch the movie especially the last scenes, may be some of the things written here would make sense then.

The Time ...

it flies like dead leaves
in the breeze at the eve
it drops like a tear
from the eyes in grief
it warms like a kiss
on the lips in reprieve

its the time that comes
when the storms abate
its late i know
but its not too late

confessions of an amateur writer..

2007-05-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

to let loose the things
caged inside my heart
i crave to write them out
but only if words allow me to
be faithful and correct
cause i dont want to be taken wrong
or if that be the problem
the fear to be understood wrong
the desire to not just be true in intent
but be seen so as well..

For I'll be only what I write
for that is only what they'll see
and these are the only words I have
to speak my mind that tells only me
in gestures only, which I cant see.

I look no more, I see no more
I think no more, I feel no more
for when i do, I want to write
of things which myself am not sure
because they look different
at different sites and times.
My heart plays hide and seek
and though I only get to hide it
I myself fail to seek.