My experiments with solitude - Living Alone

[The following text is updated from the last time as are my changing views towards living alone. I guess its a change and every change deals with transients and changing opinions..that phase is still not over for me]

The more you try to find out about life, the more you get sucked into it .. when the whole exercise was actually to emerge out of it. Generally, you restrict your search to your imagination and your thoughts as to why we do certain things..why we feel good or bad or happy or sad about something..

But sometimes, You kind of take another step forward (for good or for bad you don't know) into some mysterious territories to gain a first hand experience of some scenarios which you don't get to experience in general.

Living Alone has been my recent step in that direction. And it has been very funny since then. Every day has been like omg!! So this is what it means to live alone. Ask friends, u might get conflicting views. You were getting conflicting views even before you started living this way. Infact, that was the reason you went ahead and tested the waters yourself (though i agree that always isn't the wisest thing to do). Anyways, sometimes you've got to do some things.

So, coming back to what how I am feeling. Yes, living alone is boring a bit .. but only initally ., But unlike what i was told, the boredom is reducing as each day passes. And I am kind of getting used to the surroundings. Part of the reason which makes it a little bad in my case is that currently I don't know anyone in the neighborhood. Anyways, now that I am face to face with solitude, lets befriend it. :)

अब जब तू रू-ब-रू है मेरे

तुझसे ही दो बातें हो जाएँ

The CountDown - Day 0

OK..HERE IT COMES.. Happy B'day to me...
Also, I end my week long 'zindagi' series today..
Its evident that I didn't touch quite a few topics that are so quintessential to life.. For e.g Batra complained all the while that I m not talking about 'love'.. He was totally right. And in fact I had asked this question to myself too while thinking what all things I want to write about. Love is indeed very hard to escape when you are talking of life. But, and unfortunately, these days I am quite disillusioned by 'love'. It seems out of my mind, out of my thoughts. And I don't want to bring it in atleast for a while. So, I don't think I would have done least justice to this wonderful institution had I tried to write about it. All I could say to him was ..

आज दिल की बात हमसे न करवाओ
बात दिल से नहीं आएगी

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Anyways, so my sis told me 28th sept is also 'daughters day'..
Now, listen to this..
Mummy made a cake for my B'day and took it to my sis. Sis pulled her leg saying "today is daughter's day. And you made a cake for your son!!" What did mummy say ?
Any guesses ?

OK..she said "Its sunday"
..
..
..
..
..
got it ?
(read 'sunday' as 'son-day')

I thought omg!! ma u r smart!!
(I know sis is going to kill me for blogging this :-) )

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Birthdays after Birthdays we grow older and older.. keep losing our innocence..keep learning this world..
But for ma, we are always where we started..

माँ तो अब भी वैसे ही पालती है हमें
और वो कहते हैं हम आज पच्हीस हुए

Two lovely songs r coming to me. Am embedding them below. Can't resist listening to them again.

So bye bye..
Thanks for reading this series.

The CountDown - Day 1

Opened my palms and stared at those deep engraved lines. They stared right back at me !!

Found this piece lying around that I wrote in Austin on a similar note..

छोटी सी एक हथेली

छोटी सी एक हथेली
हथेली पे घुद्मुद लकीरें
लकीरों में छुपी
एक करारी कहानी
कहानी ऐसी कि
चिल्ला के बोली
ना ना ना
मुझको ना पढना
अगर पढ़ लिया
तो किसी को न कहना
राज़ मेरे
ही हैं मेरा गहना |
सुन ओ मुन्नी रानी
तेरी प्यारी हंसी
नहीं मैं भी कोई
मामूली छड़ी
बड़ी चुलबुली मैं
बड़ी बावरी,
कभी जो चटाऊँ
मिर्ची का दाना
कभी घोल दूं
मिसरी की बड़ी |
मेरे साथ चल
करेंगे शैतानी ,
बुलाते हैं सब
मुझे ज़िन्दगानी |

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[BTW, I ll end this 'zindagi' series (which started with Day 6) with one more post .. that for Day-zero (the intent was to have 7 posts in total - one for each day of the week..). So ek baar aur aa jaana :)]

The CountDown - Day 2

After Laughter come tears
So next time I cry Don't ask me why

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Thanks to Batra for telling me about this movie that we watched in hostel .. Gegen die Wand.. Heres a song from it .. u ll know why



Now, I have lots of sleeping debt to repay from this past week..
so gudnight!! c u tomm..

The CountDown - Day 3

kabhi kitni ajnabi si lagti hai zindagi
saath baithe hue bhi baat nahin karti

The Count Down - Day 4

zindagi itni bhari bhari si hai aaj
ki haath ferne ki bhi jageh nahin
aapke liye koi kahayal kahan se nikaloon

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Pretty busy day...sorry no stuff..still had to put this up to log for today :)

The CountDown - Day 5

Na jaane kyon ye aadat si ho gayi hai
Bhatakte hooe zindagi ka mazaa lete hain
Manzilein dekh kar bhi raaston ke aashiq
Khudi se dushmani nibha lete hain

Whenever I see my destination approaching, I do a u-turn and and wander off in the roads again .. (and i like to go different one everytime :))

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Don't know what the ambition or the real purpose of my life is. Do I have a role to play in this world? Or just time pass ? Or is time pass in itself a pretty important significant objective? Even if we talk about short term ambitions or professional aspirations, even they keep changing. Kal mein kuch aur karna chahta tha, aaj mein kuch aur kar raha hoon, kal mein kuch aur kar raha hoonga.

Wandering off like this,a few days before I found myself waiting at a deserted bus stop on a freeway somewhere between redmond and seattle after midnight hours, hoping to catch that last bus. There was this interesting artwork on the inside of the bus-stop. It read "The real meaning of life lies in not needing to know it in the first place" caught me thinking for a while. I am not sure if I agree with that totally..nywaz..whenever it get very confusing, like now for me, leave it for another day :)